Getting back to normal

I am slowly getting my life back to normal, this show really took it out of me, in more ways than one. I think I just put so much pressure on myself to deliver and to finally start showing a return on Gordon's investment in to the Tangerine dream.

But after the two meetings I had today, I look closely at myself and realised it is not so much about Gordon but working through this abandment issue I have about people in my life, and how I usually start pushing people to eventually walk away from me.

Every time I am at a point in my life when it should turn I pressuraise myself into believing that I have to deliver more than what is expected, and when that dosen't happen because it can never happen I believe that the people I have let down will walk away. This is the first time I have finally realise and seen myself in the situation.

Actually it is a breath of light that I am so aware of this and it has made me make a decision to just slow down my pace and to spend some quality time documenting all the projects that are around me and to put actions against them all with time lines and targets, financially and emotionally.

Yesterday was also an unbelievable day I bumped into Darren a guy that I use to work with, somebody who I called a friend and due to circumstances which i can't even remember we havn't spoken in nearly 10 years, and the amazing thing was, was this it felt like yesterday, it really blew me away.

I honstly end the day truely believing in my success as a human being and feeling so proud of the person I am becoming and knowing deep within me the journery of Tangerine is still a long and very enjoyable one that will bring great achievements to all who I come into contact with